I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
