sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
