there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
