I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
