I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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