so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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