I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
