3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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