you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
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I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
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i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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