Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
