I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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