they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
