Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
