By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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