I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
