it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
