ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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