I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
