I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
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so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
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where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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