I wanna bring you to show and tell
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
