wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
