apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
