No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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