man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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