Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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