I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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