I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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