yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
