Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
