I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
