It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
