he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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