She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
do herpes really smell.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
