My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
