is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
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i came on her dog
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
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i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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