hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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