I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
