you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
