I bet he comes in French.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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