she smelled like a LAN party
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
