Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
