girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
