My sheets look like a crime scene.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
