I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The Olympian is in my bed
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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