just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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