walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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