Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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