no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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