I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
