If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
