Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
