i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Welp...herpes.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
