my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
