I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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