it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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