He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
