She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
