Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize