remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I will be naked everywhere
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
