I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
