so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
