I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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