I got chris browned last night
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
