just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She bit a glass in half.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
