Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize