can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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