I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
