I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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